Death is a funny thing. Not laugh out loud funny but more "I can't believe that just happened, is this real life" kind of funny. My heart hurts right now because one of my close friends is at a loss. Her boyfriend's grandmother passed away and from what I gather they were all very close. This makes me think of my Lola and what my family went through when she passed away.
My Lola was and is my everything. Every moment that I'm breathing, I'm breathing for her. My Lola is the rock of my family and was always there for every single one of us.
A month before I was set to start my first year of college my Lola came in to my room and asked me to help her put on her sweater. I was so irritated. Why would she wake me up so early? I begrudgingly got up to help her and asked her why she couldn't put it on herself, she wasn't injured or disabled. That's when I noticed it. Her speech was slurred. Immediately I was on alert and shaking. I asked her what happened and she said that she fell in her room. I ran into my uncle's room and woke him up by screaming that Lola had fallen and was speaking funny. He got up and instructed me to call 911. I barely remember talking to the operator, I just remember crying hysterically and begging her to get someone here quickly. It was an out of body experience when I was watching the paramedics tending to her. They rushed her to the ER and worked on her. Turns out she had a stroke but we called them with enough time to get her a clock stopper shot. After a week in ICU, during which none of us slept, she was functioning. I postponed college a semester and stayed with her every day in her hospital room. Even when she was weak she still took care of me, feeding me from her meals she had delivered and having me cuddle with her on the bed so that she could rub my back.
I was so ashamed of how I acted when she woke me up and all I could think was how grateful I was to have her still alive. My Lola lived and recovered quite nicely from all of this. Two years later she left for the Philippines, she visited at least once a year, and we all dropped her off at the airport. I said I was going to miss her and I couldn't wait for her to come home and tell me how everything is back there. She looked at me and said "Be a good girl for your mama." That was the last thing she ever said to me. She had tried calling me once or twice but I was working and when I would try to call back I couldn't get a hold of her. 5 days before she was set to come home, I was hanging out with my best friend at my house when I get a call from my auntie. I answer and say hi but the only response I get back is a cry/scream. When I heard that all I thought was either she lost the baby she was pregnant with or something happened to her daughter. Then she cries out "she's gone. Lola passed away." I remember falling to my knees with a scream and crying uncontrollably. My best friend runs out of the bathroom thinking I injured myself and when I tell her what happened she cries with me.
My aunt tells me she needs me over there and I have to find my uncle and tell him. Sigh. That wasn't going to be an easy task. My uncle is my grandma's favorite. Her only boy. Her protector. After multiple phone calls my uncle and his friend come speeding home. I couldn't tell him over the phone. It just didn't seem right. He rushes up to me thinking I've been hurt. I lead him to our backyard and say to him "Lola is gone." Tears came easy for us that night. We just kept on crying. I couldn't understand that she passed away right before she was supposed to come back to us.
The year that follows was my hardest. I was depressed. I was mad at the world, mad at myself. I didn't understand how someone so strong could pass away from pneumonia after surviving a stroke.
My Lola is always with me. She was with me when I fell in love. She was with me when in was happy, when I cried, when I needed guidance. She stood on that beach with me while I got married.
My only solace is that she is happy and pain free. I know she's playing with our cats that passed away after her and she's giving everyone her opinion on heaven. She's probably complaining abut the color scheme up there.
To my friend, I don't know your exact pain but I feel for you. This post is dedicated to you and your family. I hope you rejoice in the good times and cherish every moment like it's your last. To your grandmother, rest in peace and make sure to say hi to my Lola, I'm sure you two strong ladies will get along just fine.
To any one who has experienced loss, my heart is with you. Maybe one day I'll share the happy moments I've had with my Lola but I've shared too much for one day.
Until next time,
D
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