Color me shocked.

For the past couple of months, I've been feeling pretty crappy about myself. I've watched the number on the scale slowly go up for no real reason. I am roughly 125 lbs. This is the heaviest I have been since high school and I am not comfortable. My weight is in no way "fat" but it is overweight for me. Every time I mention that to someone they just roll their eyes as if I'm asking to be told that I'm tiny, skinny, and/or perfect. I am none of those things. Okay, I might be tiny. And by might, I mean that I am. I am a small person. So here's the thing. When you're 4'10", 125 lbs is too much. By doctor's standards the most I should be weighing (for my body type) is 110 lbs. That's not unattainable, this past year I was 114-117 lbs without dieting or exercise.

I recently joined a gym, because I was (and still am) very uncomfortable with my body. The biggest issue I have with this is that I don't love myself right now. It took me SO long to love myself and gain confidence and in a few short months, it's thrown out the window. I will not tolerate that. I WILL love myself again. I'm determined to. I'll try to update this as much as I can with my journey to self-love. That sounds so naughty but I swear I don't mean it like that, lol.

My goals:I don't have a real weight loss goal. I could say I'd like to get to 110 lbs, but I want to tone up and I know that muscle weighs more than fat. So my real goal is going to be how I FEEL about myself and how I fit into my now too-tight clothes. I just want to be healthy. I'm not too worried about how I eat because I don't eat anything TOO bad (at least, when I cook at home I don't). I do enjoy sweets though. That's going to be the hardest thing for me, but maybe I'll gain some self control while I'm at it. My work-out partner and I will be working out around 5 days a week and she's going to help me do some training. I love that girl, she's really helping to motivate me.

Pros and cons of telling everyone at work about my new goal: anytime I try to eat anything I shouldn't, they yell at me. Yesterday they made home made fries (We're a sushi & Asian kitchen) and I went to go have a couple. I tried one and then got yelled at and they put the container up where I couldn't reach it. -______-


Until next time, make it rain.
D.