I have tried to write this same blog a couple of times but I seem to get stuck each and every time.
I love making friends, Seriously. I'm not sure if this makes me fake or not, but I'm a creature of habitat. When I work at a particular place, I tend to make lots of friends there. When I leave, I put in a bit of an effort and when it's not reciprocated I drop it. My theory? Life is too short to try and make a relationship with people who don't want to make that same effort with you. Am I wrong in that thinking? Of course there are always exceptions. I maintain some friendships from high school, elementary, etc. Hell, I haven't seen my best friend in 5 years and she is still my number 1. I may not talk to her all the time but I think of her all the time and I still tell her news before I tell any other friend. She is my prime example of the BEST friend. We don't always agree. Actually, I think we rarely agree, but we are always supporting each other to be our best. To you, thank you. I love you. I miss you. Please visit me. I have malls within 15 minutes from my house and I will cook for you.
Then, there are the other kinds of friends. They're what I call the "convenient friend". I've had lots of these. These are the people who only talk to you when it's convenient to them.
Recently I had a friend and we were pretty close. I had always felt like our friendship was one sided though. When I would be nice to her I never heard a simple "thank you", it was more like she expected it. I kept on telling myself I would just stop talking to her but then she'd be SO nice to me and I was sucked back in. It was like we were playing a game. I'd feel unappreciated after doing something nice, she'd be nice to me, she'd be mean to me, I would wonder what I did wrong, and then we'd start all over again. It was a constant cycle. When I left my last job she and I tried to continue our friendship. Again, I felt like a lot of the effort was coming from my end. Whenever we talked it was always about her issues. Now, I have no problem for being there to listen to a friend but I was going through a lot at the time and I wanted her to listen/help me too, she never did. Even through all of that, I continued to try. It wasn't until she started making unnecessarily rude comments about me being married in our group texts. I was getting private texts from the other girls asking me what was going on and if we were in a fight (again). Once I realized that I couldn't be dragged down by that friendship and I left it alone I was much happier. My experiences with this girl does NOT mean that she isn't a good friend. I know plenty of people she is very loyal to, I just don't think we were truly meant to be friends. We were both victims of our location.
In the end, that friendship taught me that I never want anyone to walk all over me again. I gave up on my inner bitch a long time ago but she has been revived. I'm not going to walk around raining on everyone's parade but I'll be more hesitant to let people push me around. I've gone back to the old me for the past 6 months and it's going pretty well ;)
Moral of the story, kids: No one should make you feel like you're not good enough to be their friend just because they're bipolar!
Until next time, make it rain.
D
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